#until we eat each other
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Until We Eat Each Other - A Short Film [x]
Daniel Ezra & Geffri Maya
#xothemedia#video#until we eat each other#short film#film#pocfiction#black love#dailytvandfilm#blackactressesdaily#blackactorsdaily#dailytvsource#black couple#daniel ezra#geffri maya#black films#black romance#black film
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DANIEL EZRA & GEFFRI MAYA in "Until We Eat Each Other" - A short film (2023) Written and directed by Daniel Ezra
#daniel ezra#geffri maya#until we eat each other#danielezraedit#geffrimayaedit#romancegifs#short films#pocedit#black films#tusernaj#texasbama#**#ahhhh perioddddd#and thats on geff has chemistry with everyone but peyton :)
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Until We Eat Each Other - A Short Film
youtube
Talent!!!!
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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some postgame doodles for pride month
#martzipan#komahina#hajime hinata#nagito komaeda#domestic kmhn likers pspspsps cmere#i never draw just fluff/domestic things bc i get too in my feelings lmao. this one was no exception#i had to take a break midway through bc i got sappy. IT'S OK THO we got it done :3#neways these tie into some headcanons of mine so i'm gonna share 'em here#mainly i hc them having little ways where they just look out for each other#komaeda is usually the only one who can convince hinata to take a goddamn break without having to forcefully drag him away from his work#bc hinata does NOT take enough breaks. and he does not listen to reason#until there is a komaeda who is tired and can't go to sleep without his human teddy bear :((( can't let him go to bed aloneeee#n i think hinata just. casually feeds komaeda ALL the time#bc he won't eat enough on his own. and if you offer him food he'll be inclined to see it as a nicety and try to reject it#but if you just. Put Food In Front Of His Mouth. he'll eat it#it's kind of a reflex like komaeda doesn't realize he's being fed most of the time#they take care of each other bc they won't take care of themselves otherwise lmao. it's a little dysfunctional but they're trying#i think once they've recovered enough to be able to just enjoy each other's company they get REALLY really giggly#they have a lot of teenage/young adult love stuff to catch up on and since they didn't really have a puppy love phase. they laugh a lot#they'll try to do something tender or sweet but then one of them will start to laugh. and then it's not long before the other breaks#komaeda usually breaks first. bc he's always in awe of just how happy he is. bc he never thought he COULD be this happy#not without hell looming just over the horizon anyways#when hinata breaks first it's bc he's thinking of how much they've both been through and put each other through#and he's just sort of like 'how the fuck did we end up here'#(btw komaeda snorts when he's trying not to laugh. this is just fact trust me)#OH AND I HAVE MANY HEADCANONS ABT THEIR SLEEP STUFFS#as stated hinata runs hot and komaeda runs cold. but ALSO#hinata's a sprawler. komaeda gets Clingy. it works out for them tho#if komaeda doesn't have hinata to hold like a body pillow he'll curl into the tightest little ball. it gives him back pain lmao#oh and yes. they absolutely wake up with their legs incredibly tangled together
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it's the dragons' curse I suppose. goodnight
#abt autism and loneliness and all that#I wanna say I'm gonna figure it out some day but I'm not so sure#could use some help but#the rest of the world seems to grow equally as tired as I am#feels like there's a deep rot eating away at all of us and everything#I hope it can get better so we can find ourselves and each other again#until then I'll do my best to hang in#goodnight
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i love you animal symbolism
#like obviously i’m the dog motif guy but literally any animal symbolism is sooooo#like mq animal symbolism >>>#sharks and mice and wolves and butterflies#what that says about you — not just what you get but what you wanted to get#i’m a shark and i’m going to take you down. he smells blood in the water he’s gonna kill my pig and there’s nothing i can do#because i’m soft i’m a kid again im a mouse and im loyal and humble and a real team player! and that’s what will be my downfall#but it’s also what’s going to save me#why would a mouse choose foam over a delicious cookie? i don’t know. why would he? why would i?#i just got a little upset when you said i wasn’t a lion. you’re nothing without me#lions hunt in packs they’re sthe leaders. but i’m telling you that you dont get a pack you dont get someone to lean on and you will always#be alone.#then succession animal symbolism is like: youre a scorpion and i’m a snake and we are going to die at each others hands#it’s already written. we know the ending#im a dog and i’m mean and sharp and vicious#i’m a dog and i’m loyal and trusting#i’m a dog and i need to be kicked and i beg you to kick me because it’s all i know#you come for me with love?#lock me in a cage and feed me dog food (or chocolate cake but who knows) and i’ll never eat again#send me away until everyone knows their place#beat me with a slipper in gstaad for ordering lobster because it’s rude to order the most expensive thing on the menu when you’re not payin#because dogs don’t get a sliver platter they get a bowl of dog food in a cold wire cage#they get the scraps and they thank you for it#so you come for me with love?#you come in here guns ablazing to find they’ve turned to fucking sausages and you come for me with love?#jeez that’s a lot of tags#mythic quest#mq#succession#succession hbo
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what i need is a link to admin at the mercury and admin at the wnba. set me up a special account so i can see all the old videos from the old website. and get me a computer with all 19000+ minutes of dt games and a strong video editor. really i'd like all the old footage too.
#it's devastating bc i'm trying to find the full presser from the 2007 finals when dt says is a smack in the face not the same as a punch#but also what i want to do is clip every single dt assist and almost assist into what has to be like a 5 hour video#and then of course all the baskets#but i did the math and if you're watching film for 8 hours a day it would take like 161 days to watch all her wnba games#like i said yesterday i was watching a handful of games and her passes ..really we don't talk about the act of passing the ball enough#i would like to watch other old games too like the comets 97-2000#now my hope is that it doesn't happen this year but when it does happen [and i have a list]#mat should pay her like 1.5 million/year to consult for the org . which might mean doing nothing but show up at occasional games#and i know she doesn't want to coach or gm but i think she would be so good at roster creation recruitment and draft day decisions#like i said i have a list but i'm not going to put it out until it needs to be put out#i want to watch every game that cheryl miller coached#but that you can't watch candace parker's rookie season#or anything from LJ#or any comets games#or postseason prior to 2015#it's so disrespectful to not have them available#you could sell box sets of seasons by team and charge like 20 bucks per each and i'd eat them up#or full seasons of games#it is so concerning from the archival side that so much footage only lives publicly on these old youtube accounts from 12 15 17 years ago#and the best we can do is hope nothing gets deleted
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yo merry christmas i'm thinking about christmas at the hargrove-mayfield's house throughout the years
wanna think about their first christmas together as a family, maybe before neil and susan even got married, or maybe just after. wanna think about what susan got billy for that first december 25th that they knew each other and what neil bought for max. did neil just pass that duty off to susan and stick his name on the from: section of the gift tag or did he put effort in and actually go to the shops and try and find something, specifically for his new step-daughter.
wanna think about the following few christmas' in california where billy never heard from his mom, never even got a fucking christmas card, but max heard from her dad; spending the time between christmas breakfast and christmas lunch on the phone, thanking him for the present he sent in the mail. wanna think about susan listening in, hearing her ex sounding distant and barely focused, agreeing with everything their daughter says, and biting her tongue; half relieved max hasn't picked up on the fact that sam's handwriting and her own is exactly the same, and half mad that sam's willing to take the credit without even blinking.
wanna think about their last christmas in california where they don't even realise it's their last one there; billy hitting his stride in being the worlds moodiest and most hard done by teenager, max following quick in his footsteps. wanna think about how all the gifts hand-picked by susan would be too lame and embarrassing to be thankful for, both kids screwing their nose up at most presents. maybe billy and max exchanging small gifts that christmas becos they haven't been at each others throats all year, only some, and susan thought it would be nice.
wanna think about their first christmas in hawkins, with things still so messy and uncomfortable and rough, but somehow settling into it like it's their new normal. wanna think about it being cold as fuck, none of them prepared for hawkins winters, and everyone walking on eggshells around each other and pretending it's fine. wanna think about max growing up and officially moving into her teenage years and billy counting down the days until he leaves them, adulthood so close yet still so fucking far. wanna think about them all sitting down for christmas dinner and billy barely being acknowledged, things still so tense even though it's been almost two months since everything went to shit, and max forcing out answers every time susan tries to keep the conversation flowing, her doing her best to carry the christmas spirit.
wanna think about a world where there's no living nightmares, no government conspiracies, and no death, but billy still spirals out of control anyway, feeling trapped and cornered in an unfamiliar town with unfamiliar people, his only solution to lash out and fight, anger and violence and distrust being all he knows. wanna think about max coming to the realisation that there's bigger monsters than her asshole step-brother, that maybe billy isn't the start of everyone's problems, just always somehow the end of them. want her to trace the line back to the source and realise neither of them ever stood a fucking chance.
wanna think about a christmas where billy's eighteen and max is fifteen, and they still live on cherry lane, and neil still fucking sucks, and susan still fucking tries, and everything's still awkward, the four of them never quite becoming the family unit their parents try to pretend them to be, but maybe billy and max get along these days, in a way they never could when they were younger, them going from being against each other to realising it's team up or be picked apart.
max gives him a present she saved up for for months, maybe as they're all going to bed, and billy raises an eyebrow at her before sighing and unwrapping it, still too fucking stubborn to be able to say thank you, but somehow brave enough to reach a hand into his room and grab out a present he got for her, and it's unwrapped cos he hasn't wrapped a present since his mom left, so max does her little sister duty and tells him she loves the wrapping and effort he put into it, before actually looking at what he got her, and he walks into his room and closes the door before she can even acknowledge it for the gift it is.
wanna think about billy eventually moving out, but not making it far; too fucking broke to live out his dreams of going home. wanna think about neil clapping him on the back on moving day and telling him he's done good, that this is what growing up is. graduating school, getting a job, moving out, providing for yourself. that's what makes a man. that it was rough there for a while, and he was worried, but he's glad to see his son's shaped up and straightened out finally, thanks to his solid parenting. wanna think about billy having no idea how to react, thinking that's the closest he'll ever get to his dad saying he's proud of him. wanna think about max helping him move and helping him chose a couch, claiming it has to be comfortable enough to sleep on when she crashes there on school breaks. want billy to tell her to get fucked, but buy the couch she picked out anyway.
wanna think about his first christmas out of home, and how how he probably feels indifferent about it at best, and pain about it at worst. christmas was never like the movies growing up, no matter how much susan tried, so it's not like being alone and having no decorations or presents is going to hurt, but he has enough memories of his mum, and a few moments over the years from when max and susan tried, and there's such a build up and fucking atmosphere about it all in hawkins that he can't escape it even if he tried, and he's starting to realise maybe he's really fucking lonely.
wanna think about neil calling him up and billy answering, cos now that they don't live in the same house and billy's finally taking responsibility for his own life, neil's like a whole new person. he wants to do father-son shit like talk about cars, offer advice about fixing the kitchen sink, tell him when to hire someone to fix something and when you should be able to fix something yourself, wants to watch sports games and crack open a beer on a saturday afternoon, and billy makes up reasons to say no most of the time, but sometimes he caves and says yes, cos there's a small part of him that's always wanted this. wanna think about neil calling and asking billy when he's coming over for christmas, saying that susan's cooking his favourite. wanna think about billy not even knowing what his favourite is, but saying he'll be at breakfast by 7:30am before he can stop himself.
wanna think about billy staying 'til afternoon and max raising an eyebrow at him, muttering don't you have a home to go to? while they clean up after lunch, but then neil offers him a beer, so he ignores her, and listens when his dad says he's welcome to stay for dinner, too. wanna think about billy and max smoking a joint out the back while their parents end the day with a christmas movie, and max turns to him and asks him what neil's deal is these days, and billy shrugs her off, too stubborn to look at it all too closely.
wanna think about billy pulling some money out of his wallet cos he has some now, and he didn't have time to get a present, too busy working overtime, but he has cash, so that'll do. wanna think about max handing him a new zippo, then somehow unearthing a whole-ass wrapped present, and when he opens it, it's a set of cheap fake glass cups, becos billy doesn't have any yet and every time she comes over she has to drink something either directly from the bottle in the fridge or remember her own drink bottle, and it's a housewarming gift, asshole, and this isn't my house, billy thinks, this isn't my fucking home, but it's also all he's got, so he finds a place for them in the cupboard above the sink, and max hunts them down the next time she's over first thing.
wanna think about christmas' in their future, when max moves out, when they're in their 20's and 30's, maybe billy keeps coming home, finding an uneasy peace with his dad reserved for special occasions only, the only few times of the year he's willing to lie to himself and pretend things were never as bad as his memories made them out to be, or maybe everything eventually crumbles, and billy finally gets to put some real distance between them, and finally then, he can breathe and stop pretending.
maybe max continues going, her seeing her mom try and so she puts in the effort to try as well, and maybe that works for a while, maybe even a lifetime, but maybe it doesn't, and by the time both her and billy are closer to 30 than 20, the only family they see on christmas is each other, and billy never wraps her presents, and max only gets him practical things, and they drink and bitch most of the time, but it's so much easier to exist in each others space when they don't have to act and pretend and play parts.
#anyway the idea of billy attending christmas day at cherry lane for those first few years and telling himself it's sooo fine#it's completely normal thing to do after a completely normal childhood where nothing ever went wrong ever#and for max to go along with it becos over her dead body is she gonna suffer through christmas day alone even though she thinks its Crazy#how billy and neil could go from the trainwreck they were to whatever illusion neil's trying to create now#but then like. the idea of billy getting a significant other; a Male significant other; and having to like. Face Facts#make up excuses to not go home from christmas anymore; but be too scared to tell his dad the real reason why#until his partner is like. I Know Your Childhood Was Bad But Jesus Christ. You're 25 Dude#wait also the idea of max Knowing and being like. Yeah He's Always Been This Stupid. Yeah It's Probably Genetic. Good Luck.#god the idea of billy finally telling his dad why he's not coming and neil hanging up on him. not msging him for his birthday#and billy getting the hint loud and clear. except maybe susan works some christmas magic and maybe neil's had a health scare or two#and maybe max says she's only coming home for christmas if billy is#so maybe neil calls billy up and says him and his Boyfriend are welcome home for christmas this year.#and it sounds like he's eating the sourest lemon in the entire world. but he's asking. and billy's like. this is gonna be terrible. we Can'#but somehow ends up saying yes. becos he's stupid.#and then neil and susan are sitting down for christmas dinner with billy and Boyfriend and Max and#okay listen. the elmax in me wants them so bad but also the lumax in me wants THEM so bad.#actually either way i can't lose neil would be frothing at the mouth either way#and max would be LOVED and CHERISHED either way#worlds most awkward and intense christmas dinner.#also u may be thinking. now melia. dont they have other family. cousins? grandparents? aunts and uncles? and you'd be right!#but i'm too lazy to go into that rn. the idea of neil cutting his family out and susan barely being on speaking terms with hers#ANYWAY the idea of christmas evolving over time from being something that they barely tolerated with each other#to being something that they only include each other in. no more parents and maybe significant others come and go but no matter what#it's them against the world#m#nqff#text
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I have a bunch of isat fanart reblogged to my drafts . once my irls finish playing this game be prepared for the flood gates to open /hj
#fire rambles#I want to reblog and eat all the art i see#but they're all like major end game spoilers so i Cant#and we all follow each other on tumblr so i don't wanna risk spoiling anyone#but oughh#i can feel the bars of my cage very slowly opening#if y'all thought i was ill over isat already#just wait until I can freely reblog everything
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if people don't leave me alone with my little playlists and my itty bitty noise canceling headphones and my overflowing google doc and my saintly sativa vape and my ad-riddled hulu account i cannot be held liable for my actions
#im 13k in boys we have GOT to keep going however i am BLESSED OR WHATEVER to have a LARGE AND FULL LIFE#that does not lend itself to locking myself in a room until the fanfiction demons are excorsised from me. sad!#i miss being 16 in this way and this way only. i wrote each the others world entire in one 14 hour session#no need to move or blink or eat or speak to anyone. only fanfiction. it was beautiful#c.txt
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A message to the recent & future transgender pick-mes.
If you’re a trans pick-me (no matter where you align with gender) there’s a special place in Hell just for you & I don’t even believe in Hell. Having trauma isn’t excusing your actions of going out of your way to hurt other people actively. It explains that it comes from a place of hurt potentially or you’re just turning into a rage-bait influencer because it makes you money. Either way you come after trans people who don’t do being trans exactly like you so they “aren’t really trans.” You get a taste of the right-wing rage-bait money pot & you wanna keep going because money & maybe some weird part of you thinks this will save you from transphobic attacks? Honey, we’re all just fags to them no matter how we look or act. Even if you’re a cis person not following the norm or unaware of the politics of it all, you’re still just a faggot to them who they will eventually want to snuff out. I’m saying this as a tranny fag just to be clear! You can’t be playing these exclusion games & thinking it’s going to make you powerful! Even Milo Yionnapolis or whatever that fucker’s name was got dropped by the Trump Administration! They do not like us & they never will like us! Democrat, republican, whatever it is; if it’s capitalist, it doesn’t like us! No matter how much you lick those boots, it’ll do you no good. You’re a faggot/tranny just like me & the rest of us, that’s how these suits see it & always will see it no matter how much you try to prove “I’m one of the good ones.” They aren’t going to save you, we’re all on the chopping block to them no matter what our politics are. These government folks don’t see any of us as “one of the good ones.” Get over yourself, grow the fuck up, and stand side-by-side with your transsexual siblings! All we have is each other, these cis people aren’t shit! 💜 Down with cis! 💜
#if you don’t know what a pick-me is read the post and or look it up#I’m not going to name names because I’m not a pick me bich with a big following#& unlike the money making influencers I don’t have the luxury of people demanding my account be brought back on other sites#hate that word ‘influencer’ but it serves the purpose of this topic in particular#this goes out to certain Kellys & Bucks & Kalvins & all the other sniveling whiny irrelevant pick-mes who play the I got mine so screw you#card & betray the very people who supported them & for being a traitor to their wider community of trans siblings#imagine wanting to be a bitter angry obnoxious influencer until you eventually pass away; that is honestly a skill issue#grow some compassion & learn to love the people & things around you; that’ll do you much better than a life of pointless performativity#I think we should bring back the phrase#down with cis#& I mean that genuinely#these self hating trans circles much like the people crusading after trans people will only eat themselves & each other alive#you’re better off supporting & sticking by your trans siblings; yes even the ones who you think do gender weird or have neopronouns#get over yourselves please; neopronouns aren’t even probably new tbh but this isn’t a history post#mine#op#trans#transgender#nonbinary#enby#tw slur#tw slurs#cw slurs#slurs tw#tw t slur#tw f slur#f slur#t slur#slurs cw
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SORRY I WASNT VERY CREATIVE WITH THIS ONE </3
YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE MIWOOOOOOOO. I don't blame you for not recognizing the last ones bc I've barely said anything about them, LIKE THE COWBOY BEBOP DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A NAME YET AND I'VE NEVER POSTED ABOUT HER
I LOVE HOW YOU CATEGORIZED RUDY AND VALENTINE JSJAHSHA THAT'S SO CUUUUTE
I saw Vermelho on the first one and for a second I was like "wait wh- OH RIGHT" KDJSJSJSHWJAJW
#📬#🩵 — Milo!!!#I seriously don't blame you for not recognizing them#the first one is Rosemary. I made her to be Drayden's wifey BUT I NEVER TALK ABOUT BC IDK. TOO MANY THINGS ON MY MIND SOMETIMES ARGHHH#she also works at the museum with Lenora heheheh besties hehehhe#THE SECOND ONE IS XYLO. sycamore's biggest hater#she is a constant jumpscare for Cassius and Bill too#THE THIRD ONE IS CYTRUCE. DRAGON BALL XENOVERSE OC. HE IS PASTELITO'S BROTHER#he is a time patroller just like Pastelito and he is Cooler's son teehee#he is trying his best believe him. he is just a little dumb#goku kick his ass#FOURTH ONE IS IRIS. SPIDERVERSE OC#they were supposed to be a thanatoesthetic (the people who prepares the dead with their clothes and makeup etc for the funeral)#they were also infected by venom and now it lives in their body only with the condition Iris lets it to eat the organs of the omes dead#NOW THAT I WRITE IT DOWN. IT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE OF IRIS WAS AN EMBALMER#haha embalmer like Aeso#ok focus.#ANYWAYS#that's the basics for them I think O think#they are also Noir's husband wiwiwiwi#I NEVER DRAW THEM BC OF HOW DETAILED THEY ARE ARGHHH#OK. THE FIFTH ONE. I THINK#yes. OK THAT'S COWBOY BEBOP'S OC#I haven't figured out her lore completely yet BUT BUT ALL I GOTTA SAY FOR NOW IS THAT SHE USED TO WORK FOR THE POLICE#Ok in cowboy bebop there's a guy called Jett Black and they used to work on the police and then Jett decide to retire bc things happened#she kept working there until they started to get older and started to work with a BEAUTIFUL LADY called Victoria#that later happends to work with the group of idiots that's Jett Spike and Valentine. And that's when they find each other again#UHHHH LAST ONE.#THAT'S FROSTBITE. She is Cooler and Frieza's sister JSJAJSJAJAJJAJ#I'VE REACHED THE LIMIT BUT SHE IS THE OLDER SISTER AND ALSO BULMA'S WIFE she stealed her from Vegeta WE CELEBRATE
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getting out of my bed is ALWAYS a mistake <3
#give them an inch they'll take a mile#they always have to ruin everything#i just have to start the topic of ''uh so about dinner...'' and instead of perhaps. supposing.#that their kid struggling w various eating disorders might be already kinda stressed about the whole thing#they just go ooooooh yeah why not dine out tonight#FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU#why have you completely stopped giving a single flying shit about what might be difficult for me#the very second i started being able to control the VISIBLE UNSTOPPABLE PANIC#why does something have to be litterally the end of the world for me for you to fucking care for once#why is this the only way to have quality time with my own goddamn parents. mandated enabled binge sesh.#I KNOW IM THE PROBLEM#TRUST ME I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL WE GET OUT OF EACH OTHERS LIVES EITHER#BUT IN THE MEANTIME YOU COULD FUCKING TRY TO NOT TRAP ME INTO IMPROMPTU TORTURE SESSIONS#LESS THAN SIX MONTHS BEFORE IM OUT OF YOUR HAIR FOREVER HOPEFULLY#YOU SIGNED UP TO MAKE SOME SACRIFICES WHEN YOU HAD A KID CMON DONT GIVE UP NOW#im. god. i know i shouldnt hate them for that. they do make sacrifices and efforts.#just entierly the wrong sacrifices and efforts that don't ever fucking help#they're full of love but goddamn are they awful at raising a child#broadcasting my misery#vent
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me: oh yeah I've fell down some pretty horrible rabbit holes and basically had to deconstruct basically some weird fringe gore death cult shit I went through somehow as a 6 year old online <3
you guys: BITCH WTF DO YOU MEAN
me: anyway, it was "cannibalism and death as a commodity" is bad and that "life is one of value" and all that <3
you guys: THE ACTUAL NO NO WHAT?
me: yeah. I also engaged in some pretty bad self destructive behaviours bc autocannibalism but yeah, no bad stuff. still have really bad thoughts and feelings and I am 2 seconds away from biting a chunk of my skin off when the urges get bad but nah I'm way better now.
you guys: 0_o
me: long story short I have gotten rid of the worst shit, but the whole drooling about eating people thing never went away ! I see bloody injuries and want to eat it ! like a freak!!!!!
#-pop#tbh age 6-14 it was literally this#I literally had the sudden and terrifying realisation that cannibalism was infact bad at age 14 going on 15#(me age 11: man I can't wait to kill and eat people when I'm older yay!)#yeah no it was like “as soon as I get stronger I can do what I need to do! yay eating people!!!”#I want you to realise how utterly horrifying it was to realise that it was infact BAD to kill and eat people.#that all the way up until that point you thought it was a-okay and people killed and ate each other and that was a normal part of life.#and all the media and stuff were just making a be fuss over nothing! I thought. it was legal and fine to kill and eat people for years#I held that belief until I was 14. FOURTEENNNNN#+ blood was instantly more appealing to kid us bc we were starved and meat was a safe food#like ughghhghghg#us-the-voices rants#reasons I could not be vegan: 1 I would just literally tear into my own flesh#2 I am anaemic of some kind and probably have a blood disorder#why am I like this. ughghghghhgghghgh
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Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice
#like I get that you're financially stressed but also it feels a bit rich to complain about it when you're on student allowance (not loan)#and your parents still contribute to things for you even though allowance is supposed to be for people whose parents can't afford to help#and you get multiple scholarships a year even though you're technically not eligible for half of them anymore but then as soon as the money#comes in from those you spend it all on a brand new dress for your sister's hen's do picnic because you can't wear the same dress as you#will for the actual hen's night or the wedding. Better buy a full price one at an expensive store instead of looking in a single op shop or#borrowing one from one of your three sisters who are all roughly the same size#god life must be so tough for you getting the same amount of money as the rest of us on student loan except you only have to pay back half#like the only money you have to live off is the same as what the rest of us get + scholarships (plural) plus what you earnt in your summer#internship? how could you possibly survive??#anyway I am NOT a fan of people who are like 'oh you say you have no money for rent but you have a phone?' because that's bullshit#and the whole 'millenials need to stop eating avocado toast so they can buy a house' thing is also bullshit#however. If you pay $60/week for a gym when you have access to the free uni one (or any other gym in the country is like $20)#and you buy uber eats multiple times a week for like $30+ each time despite having a premade meal in the fridge. and you get multiple#scholarships which mean you are arguably among the more well off students. AND you impulse buy things that cost over $100 regularly#then maybe the problem is not that you don't have enough money to split the rental costs of a washing machine (<$3 each/week)#maybe you are just bad with money#which is fine like it's not like it's unfixable it's just annoying when you act like you're worse off than people whose only money is what#they get from student loan each week so they eat beans on rice for dinner for a week#because that's all they could afford (yes I know people who did this. Yes she complained more than them)#so no I don't think I'm gonna be taking financial advice from you babes because one of us has entertained the idea of a budget to help with#finances and it's not you xx#(she turned down offers of financial help/advice/books to borrow from multiple people multiple times. I 100% get that you might not want to#talk to people about it especially your friends but we had multiple books on finances lying around the flat which she always said she didn't#need. And then she'd continue to complain that she didn't have enough money#god forbid you suggest something like going to a cheaper gym (or worse. The perfectly fine free uni gym!)#again. Her gym cost $60/week for most of last year until they brought in a student discount which was 'only' $45/week#the next most expensive gym chain I can find costs maybe $30/week for the highest membership level#to get what she was getting she would only need like a $20 membership#BUT to be fair she wouldn't get such strong culty vibes at any other gym#lol anyway sorry for the rant. I could keep going but apparently you can only have 30 tags and this is the last one
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